i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
