You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Randomize
