Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
