he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
