Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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