I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Randomize
