How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
