Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
