I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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