i don't like sucking hair
Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Randomize
