Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
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