I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
