I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
