Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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