I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
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