Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
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