The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
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