Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Randomize
