i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Randomize
