hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Randomize
