but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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