Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
