So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
He felt like a one man threesome
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
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