Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Omg I joined a choir last night...
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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