Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
