You made me cry and you don't even care
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
