last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
