Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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