There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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