i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
