His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
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