Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
