Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Randomize
