She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Randomize
