glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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