I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize