You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
