I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
