I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
We need to rekindle our bromance
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Randomize
