I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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