There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
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