His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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