I wish I could teleport
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
