I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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