Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Randomize
