Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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