I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
