So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize