For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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