How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
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