It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
