CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
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