Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Randomize
