Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
