i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Randomize
