you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
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