I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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