mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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