shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
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