I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Randomize
