I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
