Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
