How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Randomize
