woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
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