I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
