and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Randomize
