I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
