I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Randomize
